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Matthew Heatley-Swaine
Cognitive Behavioural Therapist
Is anxiety and struggling to be yourself getting in the way of feeling more connected in your relationships?
As you are here, maybe you are struggling with:
- Not feeling comfortable in your own skin when around other people.
- Struggling to tell others how you feel or assert your needs.
- People pleasing or adapting yourself for others.
If your fed up of it being this way, keep reading.
Anchor 1
You might have found the therapist for you.
Therapy for people, who struggle in their relationships, due to negative or traumatic past experiences.
I help people to be less anxious, more authentic and connected in their relationships. To be able to set healthier boundaries, reduce the need to adapt themselves and constantly try to please people.
Whether you have been aware of these kind of patterns all of your life or your only just learning, I'd love to be able to help you.
So how is therapy actually going to help? Good question.
Therapy is different for everyone as there is no one like you but let me share some general thoughts..
Priority number one is that you feel comfortable with me and safe to open up. I want to get to know you and understand the person first before the problems.
In the beginning, we will map out what keeps your difficulties going and what memories and experiences are associated. Our minds can get stuck in the past and make us think, feel and act as if we are back there. We don't need to spend forever talking about your past but it will help us to understand how your mind is working against you and what unintentionally keeps you feeling the way you are. However, you are in control of your therapy - you set the pace, you go to places only when your ready, you let me in as much as you feel comfortable to.
We know that negative or traumatic experiences can reshape the way we think about ourselves, other people and the world in general. As a result of these beliefs, we can engage in behaviour that in the long term doesn't help us. For example, if someone believes they are unloveable and others are untrustworthy, they may not show the true version of themselves to others and struggle to open up with any vulnerability. This might then keep them trapped in feelings of anxiety, shame and loneliness.
In therapy, we will aim to break these cycles of unhelpful thinking and behavioural responses. Finding healthier ways to connect with other people, creating a better relationship with yourself and reducing the amount of distress you feel. Although relationships will always be complex and often messy, they don't have to make you feel anxious, shame or guilt.
My therapy approach
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
This form of therapy is based on the cycle of the following factors:
1) Trigger or situation
2) Thoughts
3) Emotions
4) Physical reactions
5) Behavioural responses
When people are struggling emotionally, there are often parts of each area that keep the problems going. The idea is that they are all connected, therefore change one and the whole cycle can shift.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
The best way to describe this form of therapy is by this acronym:
A - Accept difficult thoughts and feelings
C - Connect with your values and what really matters in life
T - Take meaningful action (despite the discomfort or distress)
When difficult thoughts and emotions show up, ACT helps to be more accepting and flexible of their presence, without it stopping you live your life.
Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT)
This approach is designed to develop self a more compassionate attitude towards the self.
It helps people to build an understanding of themselves and what drives their distress. To then view their experiences through a compassionate lens rather than a critical one.
CFT can be very helpful for people who have high levels of self criticism and shame.
My human and real life approach
Relatable
You will soon learn that I am just a regular person. Yes, I am trained as a therapist but I'm also human too. I will learn about what makes you you and if appropriate and helpful to you I will share parts of my own life. Our sessions will be real, to the point of where you want to be and not 'straight out of a text book'.
Compassionate
I genuinely care about my clients, their stories and their want for change. I am able to tune in to the way you communicate and your emotional needs. I have always been able to pay attention to the things that aren't said and bring them to you in a compassionate way. I want the best for you and will be there through the worst.
Effective
I deliver high quality and evidenced based therapy that is known for positive outcomes. My past clients will tell you that despite how difficult therapy can be, the results from it are worth the effort. I have over 17 years experience and supervise other therapists in their practice (both privately and for two universities).
Focused
We will take therapy at your pace and I want to create a space where you feel comfortable to bring your true self. Your job is to show up as honestly as you can, my job is to keep us focused on what is most important to you. The approaches I use are known for being goal oreintated, in other words - focused on the change you want.
I practice under the governing body of the BABCP. This certifies that I am safe to practice and abiding by their codes of conduct.
BSC Psychology degree
10 years in the NHS
PG DIP in CBT
Former CBT Team Lead
17+ years experience
Clinical supervisor
Pricing
Just as the gym or a physio is worth the investment for your physical health, therapy is the same but for your emotional health.
Remote therapy (Zoom video call) - £90 per session
Face to face therapy - £95 per session
(See below for more details)
You can commit for as long as you need or are able to but I would suggest meeting weekly, at least to begin with. I am used to working with people for relatively short term therapy, two months is great, five is even better.
Everyone is entirely different, you might want to work with me for just a few very focused sessions or delve deeper for longer - the choice is yours.
If you are unsure about whether I would be the right therapist for you, I offer a free 15 minute consultation. This will give you a chance to meet with me and find out if you feel comfortable.
Whitstable office
(Chestfield - Near Sainsburys)
Canterbury office
(City centre, next to the fire station)
If you would like to meet with me face to face, please enquire for exact location details.
FAQS
What can I expect from my first session?
The first session will be an assessment where we will spend some time getting to know you, understanding the main problem areas and your goals for treatment.
If it feels right for you, we can then formulate a treatment plan together.
What qualifications do you have?
Psychology BSc
Post Graduate Diploma in High Intensity Cognitive Behavioural Therapy
I maintain my accreditation by attending regular CPD (Continued Professional Development) and my own clinical supervision.
How will I pay for sessions?
I ask that you pay by bank transfer prior to the session starting. A minimum of 24 hours will ideally be given if you need to cancel, otherwise the session will be chargeable. Exceptional circumstances will always be considered.
I am registered with certain insurance companies so if you wish you fund your treatment this way, please contact me.
What if I don't find the therapy helpful?
I would always encourage you to be honest about how you are finding the experience. If something is not working, tell me, if you want to pause or end the therapy, that is completely fine. If there are issues with your therapy, I'd rather know so I can work out how to improve it for you.
How long is a session?
Each session will be 50-60 minutes long. If there are reasons that it would be helpful to have a slightly longer session, we can agree this.
Do you work with problems other than trauma?
Absolutely. I am trained to work with a range of conditions such as depression and various anxiety issues such as OCD, health anxiety, panic attacks, generalised anxiety, social anxiety and phobias (to name a few). I can also help you with anger, stress management, body image issues and low self esteem.
My Approach
Click the links to follow me on my socials.
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